This post is a day late thanks to a hectic schedule and others…anyhoo…Valentines day was yesterday, and it is generally one of the most depressing days in the world for some people because they do not have a “significant other” to share the day with. But it doesn’t have to be so.
Your self esteem should not be dependent on what you have or what you don’t have. As the name implies, your self esteem is your own estimation of yourself, so why in the world will you esteem yourself lightly for any reason?
As a matter of fact the intangible resources available to you (potential) far exceed what can be seen. If you focus on developing your potential innate resources you will realize that you have much more to offer than what you think.
There are many people you can choose to share the day with. Think outside of the box. It does not have to be the conventional things that people do you do, you can choose to show undeserved love and kindness to someone random. There are millions of orphans around that crave love, you can go show them love. Guaranteed, showing love to those that have nothing is probably the most fulfilling things ever. The point is for you to take the pressure of yourself from what society expects, and make the best of the season
With that said, this post is really about what to watch out for in a real man. So ladies, do I have your attention? Good! The ideas I have of what a real man should be is what I find in the Bible as what’s expected of men. It is this man that I strive to become, and God help me, I’m striving for perfection in these areas.
1. A man submitted to God. The first picture we see of man in Genesis 1 is a man that was created from God. If you read through the entire chapter, you will observe that everything that was created lived and thrives in the environment from which it was created. The birds were from the air, and they thrive in the same. The fishes from the water and they thrive in the same.
The man from the dust, and he thrives in the same.(j/k). The man was created from God, and his highest expression is in the presence of God.
You should pay attention to a man who has a heart for God and whose desire is to please Him by obedience to His Word. Remember, if his heart is towards God, his actions will be evidence of it.
2. A man submitted to authority figures. This is a corollary to the first point. Men are wired as alphas, they desire to be in control, and our egos tend to drive us in many circumstances. This can be a problem for you if the man in your life is “sovereign”.
A real man has someone who can call him to order. A real man in this posturing opens himself up for correction, learning and reproof. He is less likely to make mistakes that can jeopardize your relationship and ultimately your lives, and more likely to find restoration when mistakes are made.
If you’re dating a guy already, note his attitude towards your parents, your pastor and other authority figures. If you’re just “friends”, ask (in a casual way) about his mentors, pastors, father and the like. Watch out for his responses. Another corollary to this point is the fact that success leaves a trail. You don’t want a guy that feels he has to figure out everything all by himself, this is not wise, and you don’t need that.
3. A man with vision. Vision is a key ingredient for any successful man. A real man is a man with a vision and a plan to get there. A wise man once said, “don’t look at the car a man is driving, rather look at what is driving the man”. Vision is a major driver to success. As we think in our hearts, so we are. A man with a clear picture of the future of his purpose and relationship will get there.
In so many different ways and at different times, ask about his future plans. Ask about what he likes to do and how what he is doing currently ties in with the future. Watch for consistency in his answers about the future and his strategy. You want to be sure he is not making this stuff up on the fly.
4. A diligent man. This is really about commitment. A real man is committed. But at the same time he needs to be committed to his work. A vision without a plan and commensurate work towards it is no good. Also watch out for diligence towards activities that have no monetary or self serving reward. What’s his commitment to his word? What’s his commitment towards his subordinates?
The summary here is that a real man should be committed to finishing assignments he commits himself to. You want him to be true to his word, and keep them even if they may have not self serving benefit.
5. A chivalrous man. These days, as it pertains to men, it seems people seem to pay less attention to courtesy, generosity, valor, and in its traditional sense, dexterity with his hands. Ladies, chivalry is not dead! Well it shouldn’t be.
A real man should demonstrate courtesy; help with opening the door, wait for you, help with carrying stuff etc. He should be willing to give to you and support you financially. Watch out for how he takes care of those around him. He should act brave on your behalf. It really sucks when a guy tries to push you ahead of him when it comes to the unknown. At least he should display willingness to act on your behalf. As per dexterity with his arms, while he may not wield a sword, I’ll let you decide what this means to you…
The key is to not ask these questions as interview questions. But create a dialogue through which you can ask these questions in a very casual manner. In a way it will seem as part of a regular conversation, but pay close attention to the responses. Many problems that people have in relationships are nothing new. The signs have been there but people chose to ignore them in the name of love.
What are your thoughts on a real man? Any other ideas to share?