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Identifying A Real Man: 5 Things To Lookout For

man-opening-door-for-woman3This post is a day late thanks to a hectic schedule and others…anyhoo…Valentines day was yesterday, and it is generally one of the most depressing days in the world for some people because they do not have a “significant other” to share the day with. But it doesn’t have to be so.

Your self esteem should not be dependent on what you have or what you don’t have. As the name implies, your self esteem is your own estimation of yourself, so why in the world will you esteem yourself lightly for any reason?

As a matter of fact the intangible resources available to you (potential) far exceed what can be seen. If you focus on developing your potential innate resources you will realize that you have much more to offer than what you think.

There are many people you can choose to share the day with. Think outside of the box. It does not have to be the conventional things that people do you do, you can choose to show undeserved love and kindness to someone random. There are millions of orphans around that crave love, you can go show them love. Guaranteed, showing love to those that have nothing is probably the most fulfilling things ever. The point is for you to take the pressure of yourself from what society expects, and make the best of the season

With that said, this post is really about what to watch out for in a real man. So ladies, do I have your attention? Good! The ideas I have of what a real man should be is what I find in the Bible as what’s expected of men. It is this man that I strive to become, and God help me, I’m striving for perfection in these areas.

1. A man submitted to God. The first picture we see of man in Genesis 1 is a man that was created from God. If you read through the entire chapter, you will observe that everything that was created lived and thrives in the environment from which it was created. The birds were from the air, and they thrive in the same. The fishes from the water and they thrive in the same. The man from the dust, and he thrives in the same.(j/k). The man was created from God, and his highest expression is in the presence of God.

You should pay attention to a man who has a heart for God and whose desire is to please Him by obedience to His Word. Remember, if his heart is towards God, his actions will be evidence of it.

2. A man submitted to authority figures. This is a corollary to the first point. Men are wired as alphas, they desire to be in control, and our egos tend to drive us in many circumstances. This can be a problem for you if the man in your life is “sovereign”.

A real man has someone who can call him to order. A real man in this posturing opens himself up for correction, learning and reproof. He is less likely to make mistakes that can jeopardize your relationship and ultimately your lives, and more likely to find restoration when mistakes are made.

If you’re dating a guy already, note his attitude towards your parents, your pastor and other authority figures. If you’re just “friends”, ask (in a casual way) about his mentors, pastors, father and the like. Watch out for his responses. Another corollary to this point is the fact that success leaves a trail. You don’t want a guy that feels he has to figure out everything all by himself, this is not wise, and you don’t need that.

3. A man with vision. Vision is a key ingredient for any successful man. A real man is a man with a vision and a plan to get there. A wise man once said, “don’t look at the car a man is driving, rather look at what is driving the man”. Vision is a major driver to success. As we think in our hearts, so we are. A man with a clear picture of the future of his purpose and relationship will get there.

In so many different ways and at different times, ask about his future plans. Ask about what he likes to do and how what he is doing currently ties in with the future. Watch for consistency in his answers about the future and his strategy. You want to be sure he is not making this stuff up on the fly.

4. A diligent man. This is really about commitment. A real man is committed. But at the same time he needs to be committed to his work. A vision without a plan and commensurate work towards it is no good. Also watch out for diligence towards activities that have no monetary or self serving reward. What’s his commitment to his word? What’s his commitment towards his subordinates?

The summary here is that a real man should be committed to finishing assignments he commits himself to. You want him to be true to his word, and keep them even if they may have not self serving benefit.

5. A chivalrous man. These days, as it pertains to men, it seems people seem to pay less attention to courtesy, generosity, valor, and in its traditional sense, dexterity with his hands. Ladies, chivalry is not dead! Well it shouldn’t be.

A real man should demonstrate courtesy; help with opening the door, wait for you, help with carrying stuff etc. He should be willing to give to you and support you financially. Watch out for how he takes care of those around him. He should act brave on your behalf. It really sucks when a guy tries to push you ahead of him when it comes to the unknown. At least he should display willingness to act on your behalf. As per dexterity with his arms, while he may not wield a sword, I’ll let you decide what this means to you…

The key is to not ask these questions as interview questions. But create a dialogue through which you can ask these questions in a very casual manner. In a way it will seem as part of a regular conversation, but pay close attention to the responses. Many problems that people have in relationships are nothing new. The signs have been there but people chose to ignore them in the name of love.

What are your thoughts on a real man? Any other ideas to share?


  • Adetimbo Adediran

    February 17, 02 2013 08:58:41

    Well I am yet to meet a man with these description Moyo, for the day I meet one I’ll surely say I DO!…..lol

    • Kola

      February 19, 02 2013 06:36:24

      abi oh Timbo Lol

      • Moyo Mamora

        February 21, 02 2013 11:33:10

        Common ladies…there are many guys like this around. It’s really about the potential in them. If you spot it in them, you can help them grow in these areas. Also I wrote these so you can train some of the men around you to be “real men”. Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  • tcavey

    February 18, 02 2013 02:10:01

    It’s hard to find a man with these qualities but it’s worth the wait and effort.
    I thank God for my spouse everyday!

  • adebisi

    March 08, 03 2013 05:49:05

    I know a man with all these qualities and we’ve been friends for more than eight years. I wonder y people tend to look down on these kind of people…probably because of their looks. But I have learnt that looks are just temporary and often deceiving. After reading this, I’m honestly appreciate dis friend more and wish he finds a truly deserving woman.

  • ebony

    March 08, 03 2013 05:56:33

    I think men should invest in reading stuffs like this.. our men don’t read so they go about behaving like cave men and its hard to tell guys how u want them to love you or behave cos they would either see you as a nag or someone who wants to control them. and its not restricted to the males alone but women are guilty too. i can boldly say that motivational books and blogs did me a lot of good in understanding my temperament and relating to others.

  • Chioma

    March 08, 03 2013 11:03:00

    #nojokes I have met such a man and I intend to guard him jealously *grinning from ear to ear*

    • Moyo Mamora

      March 08, 03 2013 06:33:17

      I’m so happy to hear that Chioma…congratulations. My prayer is that you both grow in love and in fellowship with God as you push towards your destiny

  • Demola

    March 08, 03 2013 11:06:01

    Nice write-up. I have nothing to subtract, other than to reiterate the point on integrity; i.e ‘a man keeping to his words’. Conversely, ladies also need to be ladies in the true sense of the word. Men should in like manner put in more efforts at respecting the lady in their lives as this is the true definition of love. This applies to ladies likewise.
    @ Moyo; well-done.

  • Fnlp

    March 08, 03 2013 01:27:39

    Interesting. quite difficult to find a genuinely good+godfearing man these days.

  • Ngozi Olaoluwa

    March 09, 03 2013 01:53:47

    well done, Pastor. you covered all the bases. personally, i made a conscious decision to believe guys like these truly exist.
    i have seen first hand where a man is all in all, no authority figure to call him to order. dangerous living at its peak.
    so, i would be looking forward to the ladies version. so we can become right as we wait for mr right.

    • Moyo Mamora

      March 10, 03 2013 04:33:06

      Thanks Ngozi for your comment…i’ll definitely work on the ladies version soon. I already have some ideas

  • erere

    March 11, 03 2013 03:21:57

    Its my first tym here, saw ur article on bella naija n had 2 com here 2 read mor. Well av known a guy wit all dis attribute 4 close 2 5yrs now, he’s done wit sch now, doin his 2nd degree n workin, nothin hz changed n despite d fact dat I neva wnted him then, his kindness n love didn’t stop, now we’r dating n its been gr8. Jst 2 tell those who fink men can’t possess dis character 2 watch closely cos dey ar evrywer.

    • Moyo Mamora

      March 12, 03 2013 11:49:04

      Awesome!Thanks for sharing…I myself am encouraged.

  • Tonya Jackson

    March 15, 03 2013 02:03:56


    I have found that men my age (35) are just not that into to submitting fully to God. I myself have continued to walk it out….., with desires to be fully submitted. Far from perfect! Why Is it that hard to meet a man that is willing and desires to seeks God’s face daily?? Is this too much to ask for? I will never give up because God has shown me that he is faithful and will someday give me the desires of my heart. I just have to be patient! God Bless you sister’s Keep talking to God! Hes listening!

  • joy

    March 20, 03 2013 05:23:29

    Godbless u sir but seriously with this describtion its hard to find a real man i pray to find one

    • Moyo Mamora

      March 28, 03 2013 01:06:04

      Keep your expectation, and keep working yourself as an ideal woman. Be blessed!

  • Ngina Otiende

    March 28, 03 2013 04:50:43

    Awesome things to look out for Mamora. The attributes might sound lofty to some folks. But they exist and are important. No one’s perfect of course. But the seed and fruit should be visible. Awesome read!

    • Moyo Mamora

      April 01, 04 2013 01:06:41

      Thank you for your affirmation of these truths! Blessed to have you here…

  • Adeoye Seyi

    April 06, 04 2013 07:53:03

    Well said Mr Moyo! Well,  don’t expect any lady to believe men these qualities exist except for those who have actually encountered some. The problem with our ladies S̤̥̈̊ that we ‎​D̶̲̥̅̊Õ̳͡ not even watch out for these qualities at first because we ª̳͡rε̲̣̣̣ always easily carried away by the wrong things,we always too interested in the looks,size,height,job status,..Α̲̅Ω̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ the likes. Its after they have now fallen for the ‎​S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ called guy they now start to look out for this qualities Α̲̅Ω̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ its not ‎​S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡. If  can’t talk for ♍α̲̅self  happen to know Α̲̅Ω̴̩̩̩̥d̶̲̥̅̊ have friends with these qualities…..♍α̲̅ ba3 low….good job sir

  • Primebabe

    April 09, 04 2013 04:30:52

    Thank you Mr Mamora………..for ‘stylishly” reminding me my expectations are not unreasonable. I believe i should read such articles more often…..to help me be patient.Thanks

    • Moyo Mamora

      April 11, 04 2013 10:53:25

      My pleasure..thanks for stopping by!

  • Onondje Bathsheba

    April 10, 04 2013 04:46:39

    Thank you , now I know what to look out for

  • ify

    July 11, 07 2013 06:55:16

    this is a bitter truth,lord help me.

    • Moyo Mamora

      July 18, 07 2013 10:18:12

      Hey Ify…it is well within your reach! You focus on being an asset. By the way that is what my next post will be about 😉

  • Aisha

    July 26, 07 2013 10:49:25

    True word,first time on your blog. Impressed by the sincerity. I only pray that men read such,commentaries seem to be coming only from women including my humble self.

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